Spread Your Wings and Fly

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Spoon rocks my socks!

A very kind (and insightful) soul gave me the latest Spoon recording Gimme Fiction for Christmas. I wasn't that familiar with them and when I started listening I was totally hooked. This is their latest in maybe half a dozen albums and I can't wait to check out more of their music. Spoon is an alternative/indie/punk combination from Austin, TX but I hate to put a "label" on their sound. The Dragon and Beast, Adored is my favorite song (so far) and grabs you and pulls you in from the very beginning. The album has a dark but mellow flavor that I'm happy I've found. My office mates keep asking me about it, because it keeps playing on my ipod. It's a great playlist.

Posted by J.J. :: 10:29 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, December 30, 2005

Memories of 2005

2005 is coming to a close and I'd like to reflect on the year. The year had its ups and downs, but overall its positive.
Here are my thoughts.

My Mother is a cancer survivor for another year. She continues to defy to odds and survive when the doctors say she shouldn't.
Family is so important. I know mine isn't perfect, but they are mine.
I have a good job and its keeps my living a very good lifestyle. I know I am lucky and I'm thankful for everything I have. The tragedies in New Orleans reminded me of all the time. I want to give some of that back and help other people more.
This year I have made real progress with my personal health. I have taken steps (and still do) to help myself and become the person I need to be.
There is a great person in my life. He is my strength, my light in the dark and my best friend. I wouldn't be me without him.
Things have happened this year I'd rather forget and also great memories I'll have forever. I cried, laughed, been surprised and disappointed but I know where I've been. The biggest event this year is finding and knowing myself. I am happy to know where I'm going in 2006....At least I think I know.

I'm looking forward to the New Year and all the possibilities. I hope you are too.
Happy New Year!

Posted by J.J. :: 7:25 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, December 27, 2005

O Christmas Tree

Maybe you can help me understand this phenomena and maybe you do it yourself? How (and why) do people take their Christmas trees down so quickly?
I was driving yesterday (December 26th) and saw abandoned Christmas trees in the trash! Its so sad. What is the reasoning for this?
Are they taking the tree down Christmas night?
Do they get up extra early December 26th and take all the Christmas decorations down?
Are they going out of town?

I just don't understand it and it makes me sad. This tree was the center of the Christmas home and it's just so quickly abandoned. Why?!

Posted by J.J. :: 8:34 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Monday, December 26, 2005

Family Meeting

Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Monday (that's what we're calling it) or Boxing Day and I've had a pretty good holiday weekend. We spent the past few days at my brother and his wife's home. My Mother did manage to enjoy the celebration, and I'm happy for that. We all got to spend some well needed time together. It was a good memory.
Today we (my brother and me) sat down for a family meeting with my Mother. We talked about what's happening, her heath, insurance and what we should do about the future. We told her we didn't want her to live alone and we're worried. The future is uncertain and she didn't really want to discuss anything. At least we explained our feelings and what we wanted to happen. I understand this is entirely her choice be at least we've tried.

Posted by J.J. :: 8:34 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, December 23, 2005


Did I mention how ANGRY this makes me? How ANGRY I am at the cancer and what's is doing to my Mother? How ANGRY I am for taking her from me?

I am so ANGRY!!
I just hate it so much.

Posted by J.J. :: 10:28 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Head in the sand

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to scream and cry out loud! My Mother is getting sicker and sicker and won't let me help her. Let me say that another way, she won't even talk about letting me help her. I've tried to have a conversation this morning about her staying with me and she wouldn't even talk about it! I've a very realistic person and can see what's happening, trust me it's not good. She sleeps about 20 hours a day, hardly eats, can't walk without assistance and the ascities is just terrible. I have to believe she's choosing not to be treated because it's so bad. A reasonable doctor wouldn't let this go untreated.
We're going to my brother's today (maybe, if she can make it) and hopefully she'll talk to him. I know he's going to be shocked when he sees her condition. I'm honestly at a loss for what to do. I want the best for my Mother, make her life easier and don't want her to suffer.

Posted by J.J. :: 9:54 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Winter Solstice

Today at 1:35pm (EST) is the Winter Solstice.
Solstice is from the Latin meaning sun stand, as the sun seems to stop in the sky. This is the time moment in the year the sun is the farthest south. It's the shortest day of the year and the sun in the lowest in the sky. The solstice also marks the beginning of winter season. Native Americans had Solstice rites, Hanukkah is tied to both the lunar and solar calendars and Stonehenge is a marker of the solstice. Pope Julius I chose this date for Christmas to replace the pagan tradition.
Today is an ancient day for celebrations. Enjoy!

Posted by J.J. :: 9:20 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I'm tired

I'm tired of my everyday life. I'm tired of always doing the right thing. I'm tired of being the person everyone wants me to be. I want to be me! I'm tired of always being nice and understanding. I'm tired of being so predictable. I'm tired of being responsible. I'm tired of letting him do what he wants. I'm tired of being treated badly. I'm tired of always being there. I'm tired of taking the abuse. I'm tired of coming back.
I'm tired.

Posted by J.J. :: 7:35 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Over the river and through the woods

I travel quite often for my work and I like to think that I'm a patient traveler. However, traveling during the holidays is another story and my advice to all of you DON'T DO IT!
The airport is a chamber of horrors with long lines, people stopping randomly in front of Starbucks, and everyone redressing after the security check (when will they start giving us the paper hospital gowns to change into?) This is all before you even try to get on the plane.
The planes are full of college students, parents and small crying children, and inexperienced singles who think everything will fit in the overhead compartment (trust us...It doesn't). You may think that I'm a travel snob and never make any travel errors. That's not true and I had some bad toll experiences yesterday (I didn't pay one and "missed" the change bucket on another).
I forgot all my frustrations when I took my (middle) seat on the way home. I sat next to a very sweet little girl who was flying alone from California. Her name was Jackie and was going to visit her Mom for Christmas. Jackie and I talked the whole flight and she really made my day. She talked about how excited she was and wasn't scared at all, told me all about the flight attendants who helped her and showed me the pictures she had made during the previous flight. She couldn't wait for Christmas to start. This was the perfect way to end my trip and start my vacation.

Posted by J.J. :: 9:12 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Sun Kil Moon

I have fallen in love.
I LOVE Sun Kil Moon. I first heard them several weeks ago on NPR and my interest was peaked. When I downloaded from iTunes and started listening I couldn't believe I didn't know this group. The music is such fabulous combination of Neil Young, tragic heart break and soothing harmonies. Their latest effort Twin Cities covers of Modest Mouse but most of the time it's not recognizable as a cover, it's really amazing.
It's high on my playlist.

Posted by J.J. :: 5:52 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Saturday, December 10, 2005

Barney Bush

Barney and Miss Beazley Bush are my favorite part of the current Bush administration. Their everyday life and times have their own web site and internet following. Their current Holiday video is now online and you can also subscribe to the Barney photo of the month (and have it emailed to you).
Please don't get me wrong (and I don't want to be "political") President George W. is great but you wouldn't have a soul if you didn't love these dogs.....Come on!

Posted by J.J. :: 10:16 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, December 09, 2005


I hate guilt and feeling guilt. I'm a good person and try so hard to do the right thing, but sometimes just doesn't work out like we planned. The weather in the northeast today has cancelled all my weekend plans. The people I wanted to see are disappointed and there isn't anything I can do. Trying to make alternative arrangements isn't possible (I don't have an extra $1000) and I haven't mastered the time/space travel yet.
Realistically I know my family is just disappointed (and I am too) and it's the familiar issue of me not wanting to be the spoil sport. I always aim to please but sometimes it's just impossible.

I'm going back to the snow removal.

Posted by J.J. :: 11:48 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Saturday, December 03, 2005

Cute Boots

My Mother is home from the hospital and is feeling much better. It's difficult when you are close someone with cancer to talk about subjects other than the "medical issue". When I talk to my mom I ask her many of the same questions; How do you feel, what are you doing today, did you have enough to eat, and what exactly did the doctor say. These are all really important things I need to know but our visit yesterday I'll remember for a long time.
I had my mother (the women before the sickness) back yesterday for a little bit. We didn't talk about the cancer or how she wants me to split up her china collection, but we talked about boots. She saw on Oprah the cutest boots that we both needed to have. The Oprah's favorite things episode was on a few weeks ago and my mother fell in love with these boots. Did you see the Uptown Ugg's boots? They are so very cute and she decided we both need a pair. We talked for over an hour about what color to buy (we decided on black) and were they too much of an splurge(they are a little expensive) and then I finally ordered them. Both pairs are expected on Wednesday at her house, we're going to try them on together.
I know it's a little bit shallow but we both laughed, enjoyed ourselves and smiled. We had so much fun. That's priceless and something I'll always have and think about when I wear my boots.

Posted by J.J. :: 9:13 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, December 01, 2005


A very good person told me this in Cantonese today.

When souls divide they make a life.

I told it to my mother and we talked about the afterlife. She's a good soul.

Posted by J.J. :: 9:07 PM :: 0 Comments:

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