Spread Your Wings and Fly

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Unopened boxes

The unopened boxes of my Mother's things sit in my dining room. There is a pile of about 4 or 5 moving boxes that I walk around everyday. They have been sitting there for almost 3 weeks and I still can't think about opening them. I'm afraid to open the boxes and see everything just sitting here out of place. All those boxes are filled with memories of her life; the Christmas ornaments we bought together, her favorite little spice jars (they have yellow birds on them), the turkey platter she made, even her favorite CDs and her wedding china. I didn't watch as they were packed up and I'm not ready to open them yet.
It just doesn't seem real.

Posted by J.J. :: 11:27 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Friday, February 24, 2006

Happiness is.....


Pink Tulips

I love flowers and nothing (almost) can make me happier today than these pink tulips. They have just started to bloom and are so pretty. I bought them at Costco; they were bulbs in a glass jar and I was very skeptical. I was very pleasantly surprised when they started to grow and bloom. Every time I walk into my home and see these flowers.....I smile.

It's such a simple thing, but after a long week it just what I need.

Have a great weekend.

Posted by J.J. :: 3:09 PM :: 0 Comments:

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A hole in my heart

Today is her birthday. I miss her so much it hurts.

Mom, I love you.

Posted by J.J. :: 5:45 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Thought for today

Find yourself
Figure out how to be happy
Make your own life

Posted by J.J. :: 7:55 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, February 19, 2006

Crazy Cat Lady


I'm one step closer to being a crazy cat lady.
My mother's cat Jake has taken up permanently residence with me (and my two cats). Jake is at least 18 years old, can't see very well and has arthritis. He is coping fairly well to his new home, but is spending most of his time in my bathroom. I'm sure this all has been pretty upsetting for him....Losing my mother, moving all over and now living with 2 little cats.
My question is, when exactly do you become the crazy cat lady? Is 3 cats the limit of sanity?

Posted by J.J. :: 12:46 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Saturday, February 18, 2006

The Office



I want to start taking more pictures. My mother was wonderful at saving all the memories of our family and I want to keep up the tradition. I purchased a new camera and these are the first shots. This is my office.
I'm feeling much better today. I haven't "gotten over it" but just am feeling better. It's been two weeks, and I realize that is just such a small amount of time but I do know my mother wouldn't want me to be unhappy. I've also started going to a grief counseling group and I think it's going to help. Just being able to talk to people with similar experiences helps me to open up.
Thank you (again) to all my wonderful friends for all your kinds words and support, it really means so much to me.
I'm going to be ok.

Posted by J.J. :: 9:03 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Nothingness

I'm feeling a whole lot of nothingness these days. It's difficult to describe. I'm sad, empty, lonely, scared and just numb. I still can't believe she's gone and sometimes I forget she really is. I want to call her and "tell her things", but then I remember she's gone. I miss her so much. I know one of these days all my feelings are going to catch up with me, but for now I just keep moving along. I had thought about how I "thought" I would feel during these moments but it was never like this.

Posted by J.J. :: 10:02 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Sunday, February 12, 2006

A Favorite Picture


Family 1968
Originally uploaded by ClemieWynn.
My Mother was an avid photographer. As we've been going through her things we're finding wonderful pictures. It's a lifetime (and then some)of memories for our family. This picture of my parents (and my brother), I know, was one of her favorites. She had several framed copies (my father had it in his office too)and I know she loved it.
I'm going to get a new frame and keep it in my office now.

Posted by J.J. :: 12:09 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Friday, February 10, 2006

The Soldier

I watched him drive away today and cried.
He's leaving today and won't be back for a long time. This man is absolutely everything to me and it the only one I have. It was so hard to watch him leave. I held him close to me, we said our "I love yous" and watched him go. He is my closest friend and knows all my secrets, my strengths and weaknesses.
I pray for his safety and that the time moves quickly.

Posted by J.J. :: 7:54 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, February 05, 2006

A Poem

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

Mary Frye (1932)

I found this poem among my mother's things. She had written it out in a notebook. It's very fitting now.

Posted by J.J. :: 1:57 PM :: 1 Comments:

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A Better Place


Saturday afternoon my mother Katherine lost her fight with cancer. Her family was with her when she quietly passed. Even now, through my sadness, I am happy she isn't suffering or in pain.
I believe she is starting anew in a better place. Thank you for all your kind words and prayers. I appreciate all of them.

Posted by J.J. :: 10:23 AM :: 3 Comments:

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