Spread Your Wings and Fly

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Emotions

The last several days have been difficult.

He’s leaving very soon and we’re both just dealing with it all. We (of course) deal with him leaving in very different ways. I want to talk about it and share how I feel. I’m scared, nervous and worried; I don’t want him to leave. I want to hold him so close to me and never let him go. He doesn’t want to hear any of this (and I don’t tell him) and is already concentrating on his upcoming assignments. This is the behaviour for many soldiers before they leave. I understand, but it's still so difficult for those left behind. He tells me over and over again this (physical and emotional separation) is how they deal and not about me or personal.

The upcoming months are going to be very busy. I’m moving to a new townhouse (bigger and better for the baby) and that is going to require not only planning and packing but then decorating the new place. The biggest this is getting ready for HER! I'm excited and anxious to get the nursery ready and waiting. Hopefully, he’ll be in a place where he can share in the preparations.

Posted by J.J. :: 7:05 AM :: 0 Comments:

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------

Saturday, March 03, 2007

The Reason

He isn’t always the most romantic person. I don’t think he’s ever remembered Valentine’s Day and often asks what I’d like for Christmas. I’m not the greatest either when it comes to romance. I got him an electric blanket (he got me diamonds!) this year, he loves it and says it’s the greatest gift he’s ever gotten. It reflects the level of intimacy between us and the ease of our relationship. However, just a few weeks ago he totally floored me with romance.

We were doing some errands on Saturday and I was waiting in the SUV for him. He came up to my window and told me he loved me and kissed me. When he got back in the car and gave me a hand written CD to play, I was a little surprised.

"Put this in and play it", he said.
"What is it", I replied?
His response surprised me, "I made this for you and was going to give it to you when I left, but I couldn’t wait. Just play it and you’ll see why."

The music started to play Hoobastank’s "The Reason". I listened to the song and its lyrics and immediately started to cry. It was the most wonderful romantic gesture he’s given to me. These are the lyrics and even as I read them now, I could cry again. We have a past and to me, this shows a part of our history.

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Posted by J.J. :: 10:24 AM :: 0 Comments:

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Again and again

This is the 3rd time he’s left in almost just as many years. I’m having a really difficult emotional time though. He’s everything to me. I don’t want to talk about it, I’m scared, I’m angry; my feelings are all over the place. What’s the difference? I’m not quite sure why but it just hurts so much more, because he’s leaving. We think it’s because of the baby, because of “US”, and we're much more serious than any other time. There is a new (and good) level of dependency between us.
I couldn’t listen to an interview about Iraq today. It was NPR’s Fresh Air (usually I enjoy) speaking to Bob Woodruff about Iraq and his injuries. I respect his struggle and what he’s dealing with on a day to day basis, but I just can’t listen. Hearing the accounts of the tank, IED and injuries I want to cry and break down. It makes my blood run cold to imagine anything happening to TS. I know (deep down), I know he’s going to be fine. He tells me “I leave early, I get to come home early”. Our home, He hasn’t even left yet and I can’t wait for him to come home.

Labels:


Posted by J.J. :: 6:38 AM :: 0 Comments:

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------